Tip of The Week
07/26/10 - Week Two
Managing 
Intense Emotions
By Amelia Aldao, M.S., M. Phil.
Have you ever had an emotion so strong that you didn’t know what to do with it? Or, have you ever amazed yourself at your ability to pull through a difficult emotional situation that seemed overwhelmingly intense? And in either case, have you ever noticed how you were able to manage (or not manage) your emotions?
Over the last couple of decades, psychologists have been interested in answering this last question, the “how” of emotion management. As a result, they have identified several “emotion regulation strategies” that have negative effects when used frequently. This is because they diminish the ability to problem solve effectively, damage interpersonal relationships, and contribute to the development and maintenance of a wide range of psychological problems.
Some examples are:
- Worrying
- Ruminating
- Suppressing emotional thoughts and facial expressions
- Avoiding intense sensations
- Self-medicating
But there is a catch! Strategies that have negative effects if used frequently (such as suppression) can sometimes be beneficial if used in very specific situations. For example, it might pay off to bite one’s tongue before blowing up in front of one’s boss. Context matters!
So…do you find yourself using these strategies frequently? Do they help you move closer to your goals? Or, on the contrary, do they make you feel as if you’re not getting anywhere, feeling “stuck”?
If this is the case, you should consider broadening your emotion regulation strategies repertoire to include regulation strategies that might help you gain flexibility and move closer to your goals. You could learn many of these skills in cognitive behavioral therapy. For example, you could learn how to reframe situations to reduce their emotional intensity or how to accept those intense emotions that cannot be easily changed. For example, you could reframe a conflict with the boss as a “learning experience” and not take it personally and you could problem-solve by getting your work done. Or you could accept that you are frustrated and annoyed but do your job anyway. Your therapist can help you learn the best strategies that fit your needs—since no one strategy works all the time.