Tip of The Week
08/09/10 - Week Four
Acting Opposite of the Way You Feel
By Jenny Taitz, Psy.D.
You feel nervous, you want to avoid. You feel sad, you want to pull the covers over your head and go back to bed. University of Washington psychologist Dr. Marsha Linehan, the psychologist who created Dialectical Behavior Therapy, describes emotions as complex responses that include urges to act in a particular way. For instance, the emotion “love” includes the desire to move towards someone. Here is the good news: if we change a part of an emotion, by acting opposite of the way we feel, we may change our experience. Let’s imagine you are at a cocktail party. You scan the room and realize you don’t see anyone you know. What are you pulled to do? You may find yourself looking down, breathing quickly, and standing on the periphery of the room. What happens if you raise your head, breathe deeply, and move toward the middle of the room to introduce yourself to someone? You may continue to feel a tinge of anxiety, though if your mind is focused on the present and you act opposite your usual anxiety repertoire, your emotion will change (and you will move toward the reason you went to the party in the first place!)
Acting Opposite Steps:
1. Take a step back, notice what you are feeling and what actions your emotion may pull you toward. For example, if you are anxious at work, you may notice the rate of your breathing and notice your behaviors, are you avoiding or procrastinating?
2. Consider if it would be effective to act otherwise. Using the work example, we all know that avoiding tasks does not remove them from our to-do list.
3. If you choose to change your behavior, it is necessary to do this completely. In other words, if you approach a complex assignment while thinking, “I’m stupid,” surfing Facebook, and keeping your head at half mast, chances are you won’t improve your current experience or reduce your anxiety.
Many people find emotions to be mysterious and uncontrollable. By noticing your emotions and changing the belief that you must act the way you feel, you will increase your range of opportunities and also change the way you feel.
Is there one emotion you know you will be faced with today that you would like to change? How would you act opposite? Keep practicing. Behaviors are not developed instantaneously and changing behavioral patterns and emotions requires practice.