Over the past few years, couples have found themselves navigating not only personal challenges but also the weight of current events. World politics, ideological differences, and economic shifts can all add a layer of stress that affects how we relate to one another. These issues do not stay outside the home. They influence how we communicate, how we regulate our emotions, and how we stay connected.
Research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman has shown that external stress can lower relationship satisfaction, not because couples necessarily fight more, but because they begin to turn away from each other in small, everyday ways. This might look like missing a partner’s bid for attention, giving a distracted “uh-huh” when they share something important, choosing to check email instead of asking how their day went, or brushing off a concern with “You’re overreacting.” These small moments may seem insignificant in isolation, but over time they add up and can erode the feeling of emotional closeness.
That closeness is what the Gottmans call the Sound Relationship House, a framework for understanding what makes relationships work. The house is built from the ground up. It starts with knowing each other’s inner world and builds toward emotional trust, effective conflict management, and shared meaning. When couples actively invest in small, positive moments of connection like greeting each other warmly, asking meaningful questions, or offering support when one partner is overwhelmed, they create a sense of safety that strengthens their bond. This matters more than ever when life around them feels uncertain.
Start with a Stress-Reducing Conversation
One tool the Gottman Method suggests for times like these is the stress-reducing conversation. This is a regular check-in that focuses on listening with empathy rather than offering solutions. Partners take turns sharing what has been on their mind, maybe worries about the news, money stress, or work pressure, while the other person listens without interrupting, fixing, or minimizing. Responses might sound like “That sounds really difficult” or “I had no idea you were carrying all that. I’m glad you told me.”
To make this a habit, try setting aside 15 to 20 minutes a few times a week just to talk. Pick a consistent time such as after dinner or during a walk around the block. Put away phones and ask questions like “What’s something that feels stressful for you lately?” or “What’s one thing that’s been weighing on you this week?” The goal is not to solve anything, but to make space for emotional connection. You might be surprised by how much lighter things feel when you simply feel heard!
Use Emotion Coaching to Stay Connected
Another important Gottman tool is emotion coaching. This means tuning in to your partner’s emotional state and responding in a way that helps them feel supported and understood. You might notice your partner is unusually quiet, short-tempered, or withdrawn. A gentle check-in could sound like “You seem a little distant tonight. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?” or “I noticed you were frustrated after that meeting. Want to take a minute and tell me about it?”
Even small gestures of curiosity and care can make a big difference. You might offer a hug, sit quietly next to them, or say “It’s okay if you don’t feel like talking, but I’m here.” Emotion coaching is not about solving the problem. It is about making it safe for your partner to share their emotions and showing them that they are seen. When couples regularly show up for each other this way, they reduce emotional reactivity and build the trust that helps them move through hard times as a team.
Create Shared Meaning in Uncertain Times
The top level of the Sound Relationship House is creating shared meaning. This is about having rituals, values, and goals that give your relationship a sense of purpose. Especially during uncertain times, these shared anchors help couples feel more stable and connected. A shared ritual could be a Saturday morning breakfast without screens, a daily check-in before bed, or a standing date night. Shared values might involve volunteering together, setting parenting strategies, or talking openly about how you both want to respond to the world around you.
These shared experiences help you feel like you are working toward something together, not just reacting to what is happening outside. Saying things like “Let’s make that a tradition” or “How can we support each other through this?” helps keep the relationship intentional and grounded, and the two of you on the same team. Small, repeated efforts can bring a big sense of meaning!
A Relationship Can Be a Steady Place in an Unsteady World
While the world may feel unpredictable at times, your relationship can be a steady source of comfort, connection, and joy. Couples who make a habit of turning toward each other through small gestures, daily conversations, and shared values build strength that helps them stay grounded no matter what is happening around them. This will allow you to be emotionally available, open, and committed to facing life’s challenges together.
If you are finding it hard to stay emotionally close or to communicate effectively under stress, working with a therapist trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy can help. With the right support and tools, couples can move through challenges with more ease, more clarity, and a deeper sense of partnership. You can do this together!