Sometimes it seems like the term emotion regulation is everywhere: in trainings for school-aged children, trainings for corporate employees, podcasts by mental-health professionals or random celebrities, apps designed to improve quality of life, etc.

However, many people aren’t sure what the goals of emotion regulation are.

Here’s a common, somewhat simplified definition of emotion regulation:

• Emotion regulationinvolves strategies that allow a person to cope with emotions, especially emotions that are more intense than the person would like to experience.
• Contrary to popular belief, not all emotion regulation is adaptive or helpful. Adaptiveemotion-regulation involves strategies that allow a person to cope with emotions—including intense emotions—while also living according to one’s values and pursuing valued goals.

Some people think of emotion regulation as similar to volume control. When the volume is high enough (i.e., unpleasant emotions are intense enough), a person may have difficulty focusing on a task, paying attention to a conversation, thinking clearly enough to communicate effectively, or even relaxing enough to sit still.

For example, someone may be so anxious that he has trouble paying attention when another person is speaking, or someone may be so angry that she says things she regrets once she has a chance to think more clearly.

Thus, emotion regulation strategies may be used to “turn down the volume” on emotions. The strategies don’t magically turn off the anxiety or anger completely. Instead, they may lower the intensity so that the emotions don’t get in the way of engaging in goal-directed behavior (e.g., paying attention or choosing a diplomatic way to express anger). This ability to modify emotional intensity is what most people mean by emotion regulation.

But the volume-control simile eventually breaks down. Turning down emotions doesn’t always happen instantly. It sometimes takes several minutes or even longer to notice a significant decrease in intensity. Even then, a person might not be able turn down the intensity of emotions as far as desired.

After the loss of a close friend, a person will likely feel intense sadness that can’t be immediately modified. Although the person will likely be able to decrease the intensity of the sadness eventually, at least some level of sadness may persist off-and-on for weeks or more.

Therefore, along with the ability to modify emotions, adaptive emotion regulation involves the ability to accept and tolerate emotions when they can’t immediately be modified and/or when the intensity of the emotions can’t be turned down as much as the person wishes.

Maladaptive Emotion Regulation

Potentially maladaptive strategies of emotion regulation can occur when a person feels the need to modify emotions quickly but hasn’t mastered adaptive strategies and/or has not learned to experience and tolerate uncomfortable emotions that can’t immediately be modified. The person may, therefore, turn to strategies that quickly decrease the emotional intensity but that aren’t consistent with the person’s valued life. These include substance abuse, alcohol abuse, blaming others, rumination, worry, binge eating, and avoidance.

• A person may engage in substance misuse or other impulsive behaviors that provide quick relief but have negative consequences over time.
• Or someone may routinely avoid situations that have the potential to bring up uncomfortable emotions (e.g., attempting to make new friends) – which can eventually lead to decreased life satisfaction and to increased unpleasant emotions.

The strategies themselves are not necessarily maladaptive in isolation, but they can become maladaptive depending on context. For example, rewatching Schitt’s Creek to comfort oneself after a breakup is not maladaptive, but rewatching Schitt’s Creek four hours every day for a year will likely not constitute a life that is consistent with values.

Adaptive Strategies

Cognitive-Behavior Therapy can help you learn a wide range of adaptive strategies that have proved effective. These include thinking of things differently, distraction, changing your goal, focusing on valued action, acceptance and commitment to change, thinking about your emotions differently, mindfulness, relaxation techniques, problem-solving, and self-compassion.

Here are some questions to ask yourself as you go through the next few days:

• What strategies do you use to regulate uncomfortable or unpleasant emotions?
• How many of these strategies are consistent with your valued life? How many, if any, interfere with your values or goals?
• Finally, how well are you able to experience and tolerate uncomfortable or unpleasant emotions when you’re not able to “turn them down” as quickly or as much as you’d like?

AICT offers several therapies that include a focus on emotion regulation, including Emotional Schema Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Mindfulness and Modification Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and more.